The Pleasure Gap (Part 2): Closing the Gap

So, How Do We Actually Close the Pleasure Gap?

Knowing the pleasure gap exists is one thing.

Doing something about it is considerably more interesting.

And no — the answer isn’t simply:

“Have more sex.”

More sex isn’t necessarily better sex.

Closing the pleasure gap starts with changing the way we think about pleasure altogether.

That means understanding bodies, communicating properly and moving away from the idea that sex follows one standard formula.

Let’s start there.

1. Stop Treating Penetration as the Main Event

Penetration can feel fantastic.

But it doesn’t need to be the centre of every sexual experience.

For many women, external and clitoral stimulation can be particularly important for pleasure and orgasm.

So why rush past it?

Spend longer exploring.

Touch.

Kiss.

Massage.

Use your hands.

Try oral stimulation.

Experiment with a toy.

The point isn’t to follow a checklist.

It’s to stop treating everything before penetration as merely preparation.

2. Learn What Your Body Actually Likes

You can’t close your own pleasure gap if you don’t know what brings you pleasure.

And that’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

Plenty of adults are still discovering their bodies.

Start with curiosity.

Do you prefer gentle touch or firm pressure?

Constant stimulation or changing rhythms?

Broad vibration or something more focused?

Slow build-up or stronger sensations?

You may already know.

You may have absolutely no idea.

Both are fine.

That’s what exploration is for.

3. Bring a Toy Into the Conversation

Sex toys can be brilliant tools for discovering different sensations.

A small external vibrator might provide gentle stimulation.

A clitoral stimulator can offer more focused sensations.

A wand can provide broader and often stronger vibration.

And couples can use toys together rather than seeing them purely as something for solo pleasure.

A vibrator isn’t replacing anybody.

It’s doing what good accessories have always done:

Making something enjoyable even better.

4. Stop Faking Orgasms

We touched on this in Part 1, but it’s important enough to say again.

If something doesn’t feel good, pretending it does won’t improve your sex life.

Your partner learns from your reactions.

If you fake pleasure, you’re effectively giving them directions to the wrong destination.

Instead, try positive guidance.

“Stay there.”

“Slower.”

“I like that.”

“Can we try this?”

Those tiny conversations can completely change an intimate experience.

5. Take the Pressure Off Orgasm

Yes, we’re discussing how to close the orgasm gap.

But obsessing over having an orgasm can actually turn pleasure into work.

You don’t need someone hovering over you asking:

“Are you nearly there?”

every 30 seconds.

Nothing kills the mood quite like an unsolicited progress report.

Focus on sensations instead.

If an orgasm happens, fantastic.

If you have an intimate, exciting experience without one, that doesn’t automatically mean the sex was unsuccessful.

6. Use Lube Without Embarrassment

Let’s retire another outdated idea:

Lubrication is not a measurement of desire.

Your body can be mentally aroused and still benefit from lubricant.

Hormones, medications, stress, menopause and countless everyday factors can affect natural lubrication.

Adding a compatible lubricant can reduce friction and make touching, toys and penetration more comfortable.

It’s not cheating.

It’s good preparation.

7. Give Pleasure Enough Time

Rushing rarely helps.

Some people need more time to become fully aroused.

That doesn’t make them difficult.

It means they need more time.

Slow things down.

Build anticipation.

Take breaks.

Change stimulation.

Spend longer doing what actually feels good instead of racing through an imaginary sexual checklist.

There isn’t a timer running.

8. Talk Outside the Bedroom Too

Not every conversation about sex needs to happen while you’re naked.

In fact, discussing desires outside the bedroom can sometimes feel much easier.

Try:

“I’ve been thinking about something I’d like us to try.”

Or:

“Do you know what I really love when we’re together?”

That turns the conversation into something positive rather than making it feel like criticism.

Sexual communication is a skill.

Like every skill, it gets easier with practice.

9. Don’t Ignore Pain or Persistent Problems

Pleasure shouldn’t require suffering through pain.

If sex is persistently painful, there’s ongoing dryness that isn’t improving, you’ve experienced a significant change in sexual function, or you’re worried about something happening with your body, talk to an appropriate healthcare professional.

Sex toys and lubricants can enhance pleasure.

They shouldn’t be used to cover up symptoms that need medical attention.

Looking after your sexual health is part of looking after your overall health.

10. Remember That Your Pleasure Is Important

This might be the biggest change of all.

Women have spent generations being taught — directly and indirectly — to prioritise everybody else.

Children.

Partners.

Families.

Work.

Homes.

Then somewhere at the bottom of the list:

You.

Sexual wellness challenges that idea.

Wanting pleasure isn’t selfish.

Communicating what you need isn’t demanding.

Using a vibrator isn’t embarrassing.

Needing lubricant isn’t a failure.

And taking time to understand your own body isn’t indulgent.

It’s yours.

🍑 The Peachy Takeaway

Closing the pleasure gap doesn’t require complicated tricks.

It starts with better information.

More communication.

Less pressure.

More attention to clitoral pleasure.

A willingness to explore.

And the simple understanding that both people’s pleasure matters.

So stop wondering whether you’re asking for too much.

Start asking:

What actually feels good to me?

That’s a much better question.

At The Red Peach, we believe pleasure should be informed, confident, consensual and completely free from shame.

Because equal pleasure shouldn’t be revolutionary.

It should be normal.

Pure Pleasure, Naturally. 🍑